8 posts tagged “dating”
As some of you know, I had another weird dating situation this past Saturday. That's not "another," as in my fourth this week. That's "another," as in "I'm F-n 40 and single, so I've seen plenty of weirdness."
It was a a really intimate dinner in a really nice restaurant. (Patty's been there, she can attest to that.) Dinner was two hours long. The conversation was pretty effortless. There was a lot of smiling, and very little small talk. Following dinner, we went into the new lounge they just added, and talked for another two hours. It was surprisingly comfortable, especially as it was a first meeting. (There had been emails and one phone conversation before.) I walked out thinking, wow, here's someone I really have things to talk about with.
I walk her to her car. On the way, I say, "I'd really love to see you again." We compare schedules, and they're not promising for the next week, but she says, "I live really closer to your office, I was thinking we could get together for lunch." Great. We reach her car. She takes off. I head home feeling pretty good.
Sunday, I look at my schedule, realize there are some things I could shift around if I do so quickly. Leaver her a voice message saying I do have some more time in my schedule, and would love to see her if she's free, but that time will probably fill up quickly. I don't hear right back from her, but it's Sunday, and I'm not expecting her to be on call.
Around noon Monday, I get this email.
Hi Bill,
I hope this finds you having a good day. Say, I got your message and I want to thank you again for dinner on Saturday, but, upon a little reflection, I'm going to decline getting together again. I do wish you all the best with all of your searches!
J
"I hope this finds you having a good day."????
And what's up with the "Say ...," like, "Say, I hear Newcastle is your favorite beer. Mine too!"
Now, a couple of short disclaimers here:
1. I'm not sitting here upset over this. I'm actually getting ready to go to a party at another cool restaurant.
2. This post isn't about J or even this particular date.
These things always disorient me a bit. I mean, how do you not think, "Did I miss something? Am I that clueless." Many people have told me it's not about me, and they're probably right. I emailed Patty, trying to figure out how someone could not be having a good time and I wouldn't figure it out over four hours. Her response:
And you’re right, you don’t stretch out a date for 4 hours if you’re not into it.
So, here's reason #1 to hate dating: You just never know what the fuck is going on in the other person's mind. And it doesn't matter whether your male or female nor does the gender of your date matter. And no matter how sure you are that "this" (whatever this "this" is) has to do with him or her, not you, when you're dropped, even if it's just one date, unexpectedly, with no hint of an explanation, there's no way not to wonder what you did wrong.
In this case, I have suspicions that sort of came together as I pulled together pieces from the conversation, and they're plausible. That said, plausible and true are miles from each other.
I'm not a perfect guy to date, by a long shot. Up until three years ago, I would say I was the wrong guy for anyone to date. I've walked away from dating situation, on more then one occasion, to deal with my own shit. But I've always tried to be as upfront with the person I'm dating as possible. I think I get high marks for honesty and empathy. And to everyone who's dropped me but has been willing to tell me why (when I've wanted to know) even if the truth hurts, thank you. It's better than not knowing.
One of the best pieces of advice came in a story my father's wife told me. Before she met my father she'd be going out on a bunch of dates. She told her therapist, "I know these guys are having a good time. I can tell. Why aren't I getting second dates?" The therapist responded, "You're so self-centered. What makes you think this is about you? You have no idea what's going on in their lives — families, friends, jobs, past relationships."
Yes, the #1 reason to hate dating is you never know what's going on in someone else's mind or life.
Tongue-flicking and eyebrow-raising? I think this could change the face of dating as we know it.
Scientists are developing a pill which could boost women's libido and reduce their appetite.
The Edinburgh team, led by Professor Robert Millar, have been looking at the properties Type 2 Gonadotrophin-releasing hormone.
When it was given to monkeys, they displayed mating behaviour such as tongue-flicking and eyebrow-raising to the males, while female shrews displayed their feelings via "rump presentation and tail wagging".
OK. Patty is making me write a group Question of the Week again. Granted, isn't it more like a Question of the Month or a Question of a Random Interval?
Anyway, I'm not feeling serious about all of this, so a little light-heartedness. Share song or songs that summarize your dating history and let us know why
Since there's no good way to do a group QothM, either respond to this and link to the song or create a new post and cross-post to the group.
Bill
A friend who I had dated for a couple of months gave me a hard time recently, because I'd seen her after a haircut and didn't notice she'd lost two inches. (In fairness to her, especially as she may be reading, she was teasing me. In fairness to me, we weren't dating at the time of the haircut, so I'm OK not noticing.) She was telling me that I needed to pay more attention with women I date in the future recalling the time she asked me what color her eyes were, and I couldn't tell her. I told her that she never asked me what color her eyes were, but if she had, she would have been right, I couldn't have told her.
The I got to thinking, I can't tell you the color of anyone's eyes — friends, parents, ex-girlfriends, siblings — with any certainty. I think my mother's eyes are brown, but I wouldn't put any money on that? My brother Bob, are his blue? Don't even ask me about my last three girlfriends, I couldn't tell you. Jennifer, who I dated when I was 23, I'm pretty sure hers were brown.
And I'm not an unobservant guy. I notice a lot of the things straight guys miss, jewelry, shoes, really anything that makes a cool accessory. But eyes, well, no clue. I think mine are brown, but I'm off to the mirror to check.
Have you ever played matchmaker? How did it go?
Well, but only because I didn't intend it to happen. I had a birthday dinner about four years ago. I invited, among other people, two close friends, Adam and Kathy. They had never met, and I really never would have thought to set them up. After dinner, Adam was talking about Kathy this and Kathy that, blah, blah, blah. So, I asked him if it he wanted me to ask her if it was OK to give him her number. He said yes. She said yes. The got together a few times. The fought for a full year, making each other miserable, then fell in love. Now they're engaged to be married.
OK. This is really bad, but it made me laugh. Once upon a time, dating was worse than it is today. (Well, only if you got ... um ... lucky.)
